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Aug 22 11 3:49 AM

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Letters to UK Air Cav’s very own Agony Uncle: Auntie Paul

Remember all letters published will get a free trip to Iraq as a prize.

Dear Auntie,

I can’t allow you to know my name but recently at an event I had to go home early on the Sunday morning. If I can just give you some details dearest Auntie I am sure you’re wise, and dare I say, sage council will help me out. What happened was this. I made my way to the refreshments pavilion on the Saturday evening after a small libation or to with some of the fellows in the UK Air Cav by our encampment area. Whilst at the on site bar I had a couple more aperitifs and by the end of the evening, I and three other members of the company were asked to vacate the premises. This I did in a stylish manner (as ever) and I retired to my hostel. Then in the night, horror of horrors! It rained, rained Auntie, now as you know I’m not good in the rain so in the morning whilst feeling a little…delicate I abandoned ship and wended my not so merry way home. Auntie was I wrong to do so? And will the chaps call me names?  This is my crime, should I be punished?


KC and the Sunshine band.  

Dearest Mellow Yellow,

Um, this is a tricky one. I’m afraid that you’ll have to stand the ribbing. Yes “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” as the great man, Sir John of Wayne once said and if you were feeling a little “Poorly” them home was probably the best but equally a piss take opportunity should NEVER be missed. So bad luck old sport. Any way I’m almost sure no one noticed.


Auntie “always there for you all” Paul




Not sure who it's from.........

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#2 [url]

Aug 22 11 7:28 AM

Dear Auntie,

At a recent event i partook of some good spirited drinking with my Squad Sergeant and Corporal, this became mildly excessive and the next day i found my Sergeant had followed me home. Upon our arrival the next day i was informed that my Sergeant hadn't told anyone he was leaving and the MP's had been scrambled in conjunction with a Medevac and SAR team, can i just ascertain whether i should have reported my Sergeant MIA or AWOL?

Kindest regards

Gomer J

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#3 [url]

Aug 23 11 2:54 AM

Dear Commander Arse Grapes

Ah, the demon drink........
As you know, I'm tea total and therefore can't comment on the state he got himself into whilst drinking Babycham at your mobile home, but as to the other problem: 

It's a sticky situation that you find yourself in, oh sitter on the rubber ring of life. On the one hand, the individual is a much loved (Use of poetic licence # 548961)and well respected (poetic licence # 548961) individual who we all like (more from  licence # 548961) and admire (# 548961). On the other hand, he is, after all a bit of a moron and someone who is, lets face it, supposed to be "in charge" of a squad (I wouldn't put him in charge of a damp squibb, but there you are) and setting a moral standard for some of the younger members.
Um, tricky....
But here is my advice dearest Farmer Giles. Sod him, report him AWAL: Always Without Anal Lubricant, and may god have mercy upon his soul and anus. (If indeed he has one, soul not anus!) Because if God made man in his own image, what the F##k must God look like if Ray is the outcome?

Yours, as always without prejudice,
Auntie Paul. 

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#4 [url]

Aug 23 11 5:13 AM

lmfao lol hey god didnt make me in the image of man it was beast i was made out of lol hence the hair lol u not heard the story of how the 101 lrrps found in me the woods chaseing rolling thunders black pk party? lol for a season at shows i was under lock and key in a cage with a sign the read do not feed lol

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